Regardless of our individual political affiliations, we can all agree that this has been an unusually contentious and divisive election cycle, and one that provides us with a lot of reminders and opportunities to put our DBT skills into action.
I’ve been thinking a lot about Wise Mind, and especially how we can use it to help us in engaging with others in order to bridge divides and work together. Many people feel very strongly and passionately both for and against the winner of the election, and whenever we feel so strongly about something or someone, there is a tendency for us to speak from our Emotion Mind. In reading various online social media postings and news articles this week, I’ve been particularly struck by the comments that people leave. Few of them seem to coming from a Wise Mind place; rather they are often accusatory, inflammatory and at times downright nasty. This has also been true in some of the conversations I’ve observed; there are a lot of very emotionally-driven statements with little active listening on either side. If we are being mindful and honest with ourselves, we may realize that our own emotions have led us to engage in these same kinds of emotionally-driven conversations about the election. While emotions and beliefs may be very valid, rarely does this type of communication lead us to our desired outcome of finding common ground and moving forward in a meaningful way. To put it into DBT language, engaging in this kind of Emotion Mind-led type of communication inevitably proves ineffective, and being effective in reaching our long-term goals is one of the things we are always working on in DBT.
So how can we do better, be more effective? Start with mindfulness, and take a deep breath. Remember that when our emotions get out of control, our thinking can become disorganized. Balance what your Emotion Mind wants to say, and find a way to express yourself with Wise Mind so that people can truly tune in and listen actively to your point of view. It’s also a great opportunity to think dialectically and try to seek the kernel of truth in another’s perspective. If we get stuck on polarized opposites, we will never find a way to move forward. Stay away from absolutes of “always” and “never”, and be open to listening without judgment.
While we may sometimes think of DBT as just what we use in our own personal relationships and not on a more global scale, the election reminds us that this is not the case. When we use our skills in all areas of our lives and work to engage others from a Wise Mind perspective even in politics, it moves us that much closer to our goal of creating the kind of change we can all benefit from.
